The Blues, a funk, whatever you call it: I want out.

Photo by Jennifer Campbell

Jennifer says: For the past couple of months I feel like I’ve been cursed: like someone’s put the whammy on me, walking under a black cloud, stuck inside some vortex of the Bermuda Triangle. I have ended a fifteen year relationship because of an extremely traumatic revelation that affects my children as well as me. My car is a total loss due to a mechanic’s mistake or deliberate act, honestly I suspect the latter as he blocked off a necessary and basic part. More stress, on an already stressful job. Plus lots of other petty, and not so petty, things… I don’t understand it and it’s taking a toll physically, emotionally and financially. I have plenty of faults, I admit. But deliberately causing hurt or cheating people are not among them. What has been most difficult is shaking all this off and moving on. At times, I feel it’s pointless to even try because every time I turn around lately it’s been a kick in the head. However, I know feeling this way is also counterproductive. Reliving the painful details of a relationship I should’ve ended a long time ago, renewed anger every time I look in my driveway at my now useless car, ruminating over situations at work…enough already. I need a break! Time out from my routine, my depression and even my location. I need some good luck. I need a spa day, which I’ve never actually had but always wanted. I think a trip to the café for an overpriced, but deliciously creamy cappuccino would do wonders. Some alone time at the beach with a notebook and my purple pen to reflect on how to move forward. Everything I’ve read lately about moving on, getting over your ex (found some interesting and entertaining ideas in some of those articles!) and making life changes all state taking care of oneself, focusing on oneself, is key. What I haven’t done is put that into action. It may sound ridiculous, but just getting up out of my chair is a big effort. Tomorrow, tonight actually, could be a turning point. I begin one week’s vacation. Unfortunately I am not traveling but will be having a house guest; this will provide a distraction from my present thoughts. I have already followed one point in the articles by deleting my ex’s contact information: why look at his number when I use my cell phone? I love making lists! Maybe if I make a conscious list of things I’d like to do, start or work on this week – and actually be able to check off some of the things: this will get me moving forward. I will not be able to spend my week sitting in front of the screen with company here – this is a good thing. Whatever this is: the blues, a funk – I want out!