Monday's Quote

Life is not about finding yourself.

Life is about creating yourself.

Susan says: "To be healthy, we should shift our focus from what we need to do to be healthy to who we must become. Too often we treat our physical health as if it were something external to us that can be perfected by popping enough pills, consuming enough low-calorie drinks, or eating enough cholesterol free foods. This “Cartesian” approach to physical health, as Dr. Weil aptly puts it, is limiting because it encourages a fragmented approach to wellness. It tricks us into thinking we can be healthy— whole— by simply attending to our physiological needs. This is tantamount to cutting off the roots of a plant and watering it with the purest water. Clearly, a plant has other needs. It needs sunshine and it needs to be rooted in adequate soil. If we ignore the plant’s need for sunshine it will eventually wither away and die. Likewise, if the plant is planted in shallow soil, it will dry up. The plant’s need for water cannot be separated from its need for sunshine and soil. These needs, though specific and distinct, serve one purpose: the health of the plant. We see then, that our health is not served simply by attending to the needs of the body. Certainly the body may survive for a period if it receives sufficient nourishment and adequate exercise, but survival does not constitute health. We are not healthy until we are happy. To be happy, the human mind must be illumined by the light of spiritual truth. Our entire beings—body, mind, and soul—must be rooted to the spiritual source that brought us into being." - Deshon Fox

This is an excerpt from Deshon's latest book "The Middle Theory, a guide to balance". Find it here http://www.themiddletheory.com/index.htm.

I appreciate the concept that health is multi-faceted - it's not just about my physical body. If I am happy, it is contributing to my good health, rather than thinking I will be happy when I am healthy, or 30 pounds lighter, or have those blonde highlights, or quit smoking.

Monday's Quote

Photo by: Jennifer Campbell

"I would like to learn, or remember, how to live."

Annie Dillard

I am so stoked!

Susan says: Aaahhh, the leading lady in my own life. Well said Jennifer. I love that. I am the leading lady, my husband is the leading man and our kids are the best supporting actor and actress. (They get to be the leading man and leading lady in their own lives)

In true leading lady fashion, I am so stoked! I’m having the best time in my forties. I’ve decided to try all these things I’ve never tried before this decade – sort of a jump start on my bucket list, right? So I’ve recently joined “Team Ripped Chix” (just the name sounds so cool, I think…) and I am training for a marathon! Team Ripped Chix is a group of women, awesome women who started out as friends and acquaintances. Some of them are real sports aficionados and some are just beginners like me. The more seasoned ones are helping the beginners and we are making a great team. This is my first marathon. Since I’ve never done it before, I will be part of a relay team that divides up the miles. Since the race is 24 (or so) miles, 6 of us run four miles. That’s not so bad. In fact, it’s just perfect. I have a great gradual program that I will do over the next 12 weeks to get up to comfortably running a 10K, so 4 miles will be a piece of cake. So far I love the early morning hours; I get my dogs and we go for a walk/run.

But the really cool thing about this group of running ripped chix is that we have decided to use our marathon running to raise money for charities. Frankly, the idea of doing it for money never even occurred to me. But some of the women had done this for previous runs, so we all decided “why not?” I quite like the idea. It makes it about more than just myself, serves as a motivator (and at 6:00 a.m. when that alarm goes off, I can use all the motivators I can get!) and helps out some great causes. So I need a charity! Any great ideas? Each woman is making suggestions and we will be coming up with the best way to do it. Some of the suggestions have been for various disease/cure related causes, other suggestions have been for creating awareness about certain health and or social issues. Some suggested the charity be a local one. The Williams Syndrome Foundation is one that is near and dear to my heart, but there doesn’t seem to be a local chapter. So I am taking suggestions – make a comment and name anything at all and why and I will consider it. I will let you know what I come up with.

Yay Team Ripped Chix!!

You ought to be the leading lady in your own life...

Jennifer says: That’s a line from one of my favorite movies “The Holiday”. It stars Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet, who is one of my favorite actresses. Basically, both women are unhappy with their lives and they decide to switch homes over the Christmas holiday. While in each other’s homes and very different environments, they open up to new possibilities. One learns to let go of trying to control everything and one learns to take control of her life.

There’s one scene where Kate Winslet’s character, Iris, has dinner with an elderly man she’d just met named Arthur. They talk about why Iris has decided to go on vacation alone during the holidays, which partly has to do with a man she’s devoted years to but is a putz who treats her like he’s doing her a favor. During the course of their conversation, Arthur tells her that she ought to be the leading lady in her own life. Essentially to take control, choose her own destiny and stop sitting in the background allowing things to happen to her.

This scene really strikes me. I can relate to devoting years to a man who really doesn’t devote himself to me. Sitting back, going through the motions of an unsatisfying life while waiting for some divine inspiration to fall from the sky and signal me that my life has begun. My life began some forty years ago and I feel like I’m missing it.

So at the “midway” point it’s time to formulate a plan and head towards a deliberate course. Climb out of the rut that has been my life for so long.

I think a lot of us go through the motions. Settle on a job that is practical but holds no passion. Stay with someone who really doesn’t fulfill us but being with that person is better than being alone. Risk nothing and play things safe.

I also think a lot of us get these sparks of inspiration. Be it a movie or a book, whatever the source, which shows us it’s possible for something better. Something truer. The trick is to keep that feeling and figure out what it is that you really want your life to be. And in doing so, truly becoming the leading lady in your life.

Monday's Quote

Photo by: Jennifer Campbell

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."

George Eliot

Reinvention

Photo by: Jennifer Campbell

“How do we begin to come into ourselves fully, in all our imperfect glory? By letting go of who we thought we had to be, to make way for who we might become.” Oprah

Jennifer says: For quite a long time I’ve felt like I’m faking it, dissatisfied with my life. Somehow missing my own life by waiting for something to happen, signaling the beginning of the kind of life I want to be living.

As a single mother: now fat, frumpy and forty (something) I feel stuck. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis. Maybe I’m tired of having to “do everything” on my own. I don’t know, it’s probably a combination of everything. I do know that I’m tired of being last on my own list.

Mind you, I don’t regret the life choices I’ve made. Although frequently frustrating, I adore my children and am so lucky to have three healthy sons. It’s been a challenge and a joy watching them become the young men they now are. I’m also lucky to live on such a beautiful island. Though I confess that I rarely do any of things anymore that drew me here.

Over the last twenty years or so, I suppose I thought I had to be perfect at everything: mother, spouse, employee… Now I see where my attempts to portray this image of myself has caused me to stray, at least somewhat, from what I wanted my life to be. This has really been my own doing, no one ever said I had to be a certain way or have a certain job. It’s the pressure I put on myself because I thought I had to present a certain picture.

Just last night, as I was with a couple of my friends, I was bitching about how frustrated and run-down I feel. I said I want to reinvent myself. That’s the crux of it I think: That I need to reinvent myself to live an authentic life.

So what does that mean? For me, I believe it means I have to look at how I use my time and rethink what my priorities are. I need to make my goals important enough to find sufficient time to work towards them. It also means that I have to give up expecting everything to be perfect. What are my goals? I’ve already written about one; being self employed. Some of my others are to improve my health, to have more adventures and excitement, to own my own house with lots of flowers and fruit trees in the yard, take better care of myself (this means I don’t feel guilty or deny myself a pedicure or cappuccino if I want it) and travel. This is my authentic life.

So, I guess my new project is “me”.

Cookie Thief

A Poem by Valerie Cox

Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at the airport one night,

With several long hours before her flight.

She hunted for a book in the airport shop,

Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,

That the man beside her, as bold as could be,

Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,

Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene

She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,

As the gutsy "cookie thief" diminished her stock

She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,

Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I'd blacken his eye!"

With each cookie she took, he took one too.

When only one was left, she wondered what he'd do.

with a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,

He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, and he ate the other.

She snatched it from him and thought, "Oh brother,

This guy has some nerve, and he's also so rude,

Why, he didn't even show any gratitude!"

She had never known when she had been so galled,

And sighed with relief when her flight was called.

She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,

Refusing to look at the "thieving ingrate".

She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,

Then sought her book, which was almost complete.

As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise.

There were her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!

"If mine are here," she moaned with despair.

"Then the others were his and he tried to share!"

Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,

That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!!!!

Valerie Cox

Susan says: Has this ever happened to you? I have to say that it has happened to me more than once, when I was so sure about something, I had assumed and drawn conclusions and been absolutely positive about my position, only to be proven completely wrong. I always feel shame and despair, especially if I don't have the chance to apologize. I agonize and feel like a failure and lapse into self loathing. So for me, this story is about humility - how important it is to be humble and unassuming. It is better to be humble than right. Because you may be wrong! And even if you are right, presented on a plate of humility, rightness is true wisdom. Humility keeps us focused on our own growth rather than the faults of others - like the "thieving ingrate" in the poem - and enables us to learn from our mistakes.

On my quest for spiritual growth and development, instead of being so quick to be vexed by supposition, I will ask a simple question. And keep praying. So dear God, please help me to be more humble today! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Monday's Quote

Photo by Jennifer Campbell

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take. It's the moments that take your breath away..."

From the movie "Hitch"

Trinity and the Violin

Susan says: Have you seen the movie "The Matrix" where Trinity and Neo are trapped on the top of this building with nothing but a helicopter to escape with and Trinity dials home and says "I need the program to fly this helicopter" and they download it in about 7 seconds and bam, she can fly the helicopter and they are saved?

Ok, so picture this: When I was just a little kid, a toddler really, I had this teddy bear. My favorite teddy bear; it was yellow with pink and green and white flowers on its belly and it had a wind up music box in it that played Brahms Lullaby. I lost it somehow. I don't know how. I loved it so much, that my mom bought me a new one, but it was never really the same and I don't even remember if the new one had a music box, but the feel of the old teddy and the sound of that lullaby tinkling away to me every night as I went to sleep is indelible in my brain. It engenders such a feeling of nostalgia so as to lapse me into melancholy over my lost bear. But in a good way. In the way that one pines for a memory that is both dear and sad; dear because it was a lovely time and sad because it is gone forever.

Fast forward to 1973. Third grade with my favorite teacher in the world, Mrs. Moody. When you reached third grade, you were allowed to take an instrument and the school system provided lessons, so as to build their little orchestra. I chose the violin. My violin teacher, a man (Mr. Somebody with red wavy hair and a decidedly evil beak nose) was not the lovely Ms. Honeychurch I had hoped for. He rubbed me the wrong way ergo my violin lessons lasted only 2 months before I began to ditch.

Right. So, fast forward again to 2009. I am in the middle of a treatment with a client who has very graciously provided the music. A collection of melodies that soothe the savage beast. Among them - yes, of course, was Brahms Lullaby. This time, it was played on the lonely violin, with a humble piano back up. It was lucid and graceful and even haunting (played as it was on his Ipod with a Bose speaker...) and it transported me immediately back to my childhood, in my bedroom, on the top bunk, with my old teddy tinkling away with his music box voice as I drifted off. I had not heard the lullaby in years, and certainly not played so

beautifully - a simple violin solo. It nearly brought me to tears. It was all I could do to refrain from bursting into humming with my client right there on the table.

And it was at that moment that Trinity downloaded the "how to play Brahms Lullaby on the violin" program into my brain (thank you, Trinity).

Only problem - no violin. So in typical Intentional Living convention, dear Readers, as I surfed on Amazon one sleepless night, I impetuously purchased a violin. I thought to myself, "why not?" And I didn't have to ask my mom. (I am so loving being grown up!!!) I just did it. And I am going to be able to play it. You can wait for the video. I will keep you posted...

Monday's Quote

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Albert Einstein